Sunday, May 3, 2009

I need to be hit with a happy stick...

You know what stinks about being 40? Other than everything? It seems like I have a LOT more emotional days where I am just like "Why?" Today started out like a good day. I mean, it was a beautiful day weather-wise, Frank came to church with me, we visited with old friends...I mean, it was a GOOD day.

Then I came home. It was all down hill after that.

Now, I know people who actually HAVE a reason to be emotional right now - our friends Noah and Stephanie's little boy is still in the hospital and still facing a long battle ahead; a dear friend was admitted to the hospital this week to have a pace-maker put in (totally NOT planned). Kind of cool story though, I mean, he had no idea that there was really a problem but his heart was in really bad shape and basically, it was GOD who was beating his heart! My best friend, my beeg, she's losing her business. So I mean, THERE are people with a right to be emotional.

Me? Today was Grandma's memorial service up in NY. Obviously I did not go home for it. It's not like I truly WANTED to go, but I kind of felt some guilt about it. I know that it was for the best because there was a lot of nonsense leading up to this day that would have just ticked me off if I had to witness it face to face, but I kind of longed to be able to hug my mom and share some memories of Grandma.

Then I called my dad.


I had the weird opportunity of having his wife answer the phone. He has a cell, he's usually the only one that ever answers it so it was a little odd to have a woman answer the phone. We had a nice conversation and the more I spoke to her, the sadder I got! I mean, she seems like a very nice woman. Very sincere. She seems the complete opposite of my dad. But for a large portion of the conversation she talked about all of the time that they spend with my step brother's daughter. I know, I KNOW!!! Clearly, I have issues. I'm even jealous of a five year old. But really, it is because the man has NEVER shown that kind of an interest in my children. I've mentioned that to him a time or two and he says it's because I moved away. I get that. We're not there so how can he bond with the kids but you know, he only actually speaks to them on Christmas. Christmas! Once a year!!! He never just calls and asks to speak to the kids! In all fairness, when he calls and Nick sees the caller i.d., he just lets the answering machine get it.

So I miss my grandma. My dad has indirectly annoyed me again. And I ate like 50 bajillion chips ahoy cookies - with MILK!! I don't feel so well right now. Apparently on top of it all, I'm like lactose intolerant!

Could somebody please send some good news my way???

1 comment:

Nani said...

I love you and appreciate you and would love to go to Disney w/you!
You are an awesome person, friend, mom, wife, daughter and grand-daughter- and dont you forget it- now go eat a piece of fruit after all those cookies.