Friday, January 9, 2009

And then she blinked...

We're still on Grandma watch. Her health is deteriorating rapidly and she is hardly awake anymore. After her near-death the other day, she has rarely talked. I have to admit that, selfishly, I was kind of hoping that maybe she wanted to talk to me one last time. I know, that is completely self-centered, but it's how I feel. Day after day my mom updates me on Grandma's condition and she tells me who came to see her, who talked to her and so on. Everyone got to say good-bye. I don't feel like I did. I mean, I sent her a long letter about a month and a half ago that really said it all, but we didn't ever TALK about it - just me and her. When I saw her in October and I was walking out the door of her apartment, her last words to me were "I'll see you again". I kind of took that as we'll see each other one day again in heaven. But being that she has not let go yet - even while at the gates of heaven - I thought that maybe it was me that she wanted to see one more time.

Today my mom went to go and visit Grandma and had promised to call me while she was there so that I could talk to her. I knew that chances were slim to none that she would be alert enough to talk but I wanted to try. So when mom called and told me that Grandma was in a truly deep sleep and completely unresponsive, I was disappointed. We talked for a few minutes and then I asked her to put the phone to Grandma's ear anyway. I just wanted her to hear my voice. So mom put the cell phone to grandma's ear and you know what, her eyes blinked the whole time I was talking! Mom got back on the phone and told me and then said to try it again. So she put the phone back by grandma's ear and I talked some more and she tried to talk. Not much, only a sound but to me that sound meant the world. My grandma heard me. It may not be what she needed to let herself go, but to me, it was a gift.

A very heartfelt gift.

1 comment:

Nani said...

those are the best gifts. God is good.