It was a pretty rainy, miserable day here today. I got up early, went to church and then came home to begin the process of clearing away all of the holiday debris until next year.
Normally we leave the Christmas tree up through Nick's birthday but I had just about had enough of it by today. It is now out by the curb and most of the furniture is moved back to where it belongs. The outside lights still have to come down but that will have to wait until it is actually dry outside.
I had an interesting conversation with a friend the other day and while discussing a situation I was involved with with another friend, she was like "You need to cut some of these people out of your life!" and I believe that she is right. This year, I am no longer going to sit back and let people make me feel bad about myself or manipulate me so that they can get their way. Someone tried to tell me the other day that I was a bad person...actually, no, that's not accurate, they were trying to tell me that they were BETTER than me, a better Christian than me because they open their kitchen up to people and show them how to make things and I don't. Fine, I don't deny it; I don't enjoy teaching people how to cook. I don't believe that it is something that is mentioned in the Bible or something that I should have to feel bad about.
So I don't.
Jenn, over at My Kids are My World wrote a great post about not making resolutions but about making 2011 about forgiveness. I think that is a great idea and something that we all need to do more of. This year I don't want to waste time feeling bad about me or bad about the people who let me down - but by the same token, I am also going to make 2011 about eliminating toxic people from my life.
Some people are easy to phase out, others, not so much. When you live 600 miles away from someone, it's easy, five miles? Not so much. I can only hope that I can do it without malice, without making it in to a "you did this, so I'm doing that" type of situation. I hope that I can have GRACE when people do not do things my way or perhaps don't do what I want them to do. Because really, that's not them doing something wrong, that's ME being SELFISH.
So let's add not being selfish to the forgiveness theme, too. What about you? Remember, NOT a resolution but what can you do to make your life better this year where people in your life are concerned?
Nothing but Random: Random Tuesday Thoughts
3 days ago
7 comments:
I think you can slowly eliminate the amount of time that you give toxic people in your life. It starts easy enough by not returning phone calls or initiating them in the first place. And when someone asks you to do something for them, a simple, "No, I'm sorry, but I can't do that for you" will suffice. Practice saying no in your spare time--it's amazing how easy it is to do with practice. And when those people start to ask for reasons or excuses--silence is all that you have to respond with. And if they go too far, just say "oh--excuse me, there is someone at the door".
Practice those little white lies and gracious exits and with time, those people will get the drift and move on. Life is too short to feel bad about yourself or anyone else for that matter.
Good luck! Let's make 2011 FABULOUS!!
Stacey, I have been in your shoes. You know that we walked away from a lot of people in recent years as a family, and it was the hardest thing we have ever done. but, looking back, it was also the best decision we have ever made. It wasn't easy, and we witnessed today how angry people still are at us when we found out about my FIL's passing, but we had to do what was good for us. We decided to remove the toxic from our life, and we're better for it.
I hope you can find a way to do the same. It's not easy, but it is so worth it.
Have you ever read the book Balcony People? It shows the difference between the folks who scream at you from the bottom trying to keep you down...and those in the balcony encouraging.. I think I want to do two things this year...be a balcony person.... an encourager.....
Happy new Year my friend!
I've come to the same sort of realization Stace. I'm not so much cutting people out of my life, but not letting people control my life. I am an independent person and while I love my family and friends,I need to be able to choose how I live my life. I'm nearly 50 years old and I feel like I am about 15 sometimes... having to answer to my family for everything. 2011 is my year to change this for myself without alienating the people I love.
Wish me luck and I wish you luck in removing the toxins from your life.
I've come to the same sort of realization Stace. I'm not so much cutting people out of my life, but not letting people control my life. I am an independent person and while I love my family and friends,I need to be able to choose how I live my life. I'm nearly 50 years old and I feel like I am about 15 sometimes... having to answer to my family for everything. 2011 is my year to change this for myself without alienating the people I love.
Wish me luck and I wish you luck in removing the toxins from your life.
I'm going to try and not be so hard on myself. I love to help others and do so to the point of neglecting me. I'm going to try and put me first and see how that works out for everyone. I'm also not going to rely on people who fail me time after time. It's exhausting.
Happy New Year!
I have heard many times that it is good to cut out toxic people. I recently did that and it is such a relief! Happy New Year.
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