Wednesday, January 5, 2011

I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell...

I used to LOVE that song!  Remember it?  Matchbox Twenty?  Anyway, it really sums up how I am feeling lately except for the fact that I FEEL like I am going crazy.  Why?  


The holidays are always chaotic and my birthday is in December, Frank and the boys have January birthdays so really from early December to late January it is crazy around here.  Add to that the craziness of November where we had Thanksgiving and a trip to Florida.  Add to THAT the van drama, the unemployment drama, the bathroom drama and more unemployment drama and all of the craziness with graduation and I have not had a truly sane moment since around March of 2009.  Maybe.

Right now, I feel like I am being pulled in a million different directions with anyone and everyone making demands of me and I am getting nothing in return.  In the last eight weeks we have driven 20 hours round trip to Florida, we've done 6 hours round trip back and forth to Charlotte, I did a cleaning gig that was almost 2 hours away and so that was 4 hours round trip, I did a day trip to Wilmington last week that was 5 hours round trip.  And you know what?  I HATE ROAD TRIPS!  

I baked a boatload of desserts over Christmas and for Nick's birthday yesterday and I don't like baking!  I made an Italian feast yesterday after I had made a ginormous Italian feast for Christmas Eve (where I told EVERYONE that I did not want to)...and really, for those of you who think it's great that I know how to cook let me just say this...I cook because I HAVE to not because I WANT to!  Big difference!  I am blessed that cooking comes easily to me but really, I've been doing it since I was a child so the thrill is gone.  Long gone.

I have not had hardly any time to myself in I don't even know how long.  All I want is a day, ONE FREAKIN DAY, alone in my house.  Is it ever going to happen?  Apparently not.  Today was supposed to be that day but Nick's plans got canceled, Frank forgot to do some paperwork so he didn't leave for work until around 11 and then I went and had lunch with a friend and even though we had a great time visiting, by the time I got home, Nick was still here and then not long after I got here, Michael got home.  I had to do some prep work for a writing class tomorrow and then go to Staples, then to our weekly bible study group and now we're home, having a late dinner and I'm trying to get him wound down and ready for bed.  By the time that happens, Frank will be home from band practice and want to talk which will keep me from going to bed.  By the time I actually GO to bed, I will have to medicate myself so that I can actually fall asleep and get a couple of hours of sleep in before he comes to bed and snores until I want to kill myself.


So what it all boils down to is I am being deprived of my privacy, my alone time, my ME time and all I am getting is people coming at me from every angle to tell me what they think that I HAVE to do:  make this, go here, take this class, show me how to do this,  I want THIS for dinner, buy me never seems to end.  All I'm asking for is a little peace and quiet before someone is visiting me in a padded cell.

Is that really too much to ask???


Ruth said...

Oh honey I totally know how you feel...there's a group I'm a member of online that goes on a cruise every year, the last two years I've had to skip because we couldn't afford it (last year was a real wrench, a week from San Diego to ALASKA right before my birthday!) The next one is NYC-Nova Scotia in September, not sure if I can go this time but I'd totally invite you to hide in my suitcase if I could. ;-) It sounds like you need it!

Mama needs a spa day, 'nuff said!

Rachele said...

Take a day. Seriously. It's very important to re-energize. figure out how to do it and

I've been there. Heck, I'm almost there now with sick kids since before Christmas.

Lin said...

You need to find some time for YOU. Even if it is one hour a day locked in your bedroom with nobody allowed to bother you. DEMAND it. Don't ask for cooperation. And make their lives freaking HELL if they dare to interrupt it. I find being a little scary keeps the family at bay. ;)

Hang in there, pally. You aren't crazy--you are the MOM. Welcome to hell.