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Saturday, January 9, 2010

Wow, This Letting Go Thing is Harder Than I Thought...

I had something interesting happen to me yesterday. It was a life altering moment that I'm not soon to forget.

Nick has not been feeling well lately - nothing major but he says that when he exerts himself he has trouble breathing and he thought he had asthma. I wasn't really buying that but made the doctor appointment.

And then realized that I couldn't take him.

I was on the verge of canceling the appointment when it hit me - he's 18. He can, legally, take HIMSELF to the doctor and not have me there holding his hand. So we got up that morning and I drove him to the doctor (aka - Pediatrician). I'm sure we're going to have to change that REAL soon. I walked him in, checked him in, gave him his insurance card and ...left. We had the threat of snow here so the public schools were operating on a two hour delay so I left there and drove Michael to school and went on to my appointment. And the whole time I'm driving, I'm like "Oh, my God...what if there's something seriously wrong with him? Will the call me right away?" And then my mind played through all of the things that COULD be wrong with him. Being that I had open heart surgery at age 4, maybe he has a heart condition. Maybe he's anemic like I am. Maybe he has lung cancer because Frank smokes. Maybe he's got Leukemia because my nephew had that!

On and on and on my mind swirled until an hour later I could take no more. I called him. He's like "Geez, mom, I'm barely out the door. I knew I had to call you." Yeah, yeah, yeah, fine, whatever, what did the doctor say? He's not dying, he doesn't need a heart transplant or a lung transplant, there's no cancer. He has an upper-respiratory thing going on that they gave him an inhaler for.

HUGE sigh of relief.

I know he's 18 and I know that this is the natural progression of life where your mom STOPS going to the doctor with you but it just felt so strange! I don't like knowing that I'm old enough to have a child who can take himself to the doctor. I mean, I still had to DRIVE him there (and that's a blog post for another day) but really, he's old enough to be doing these things for himself and I'm having a hard time with it.

He'll always be my baby...

*Today's Examiner.com article is on another Civil War re-enactment at Bentonville. You can read about it HERE. Thanks!*

9 comments:

PJ said...

it is hard to realize that your babies are no longer babies. but once you come to that realization, it is very freeing. you just have to trust the fact that you have taught them the tools that they need to be successful in the world on their own. you've done a great job in that and you should give yourself a pat on the back and know that he will be all right.

have a wonderful day...hugz!

A.Marie said...

I have to admit...that will be strange when my boy turns 18. He will be sixteen in a few weeks, and hopefully he'll get his license! (fingers crossed!)

Grampy said...

It is hard to let go. They will always be your baby. I worry about my oldest all the time and she is 45.

jenn said...

Aw, I can only imagine how hard it was to leave him...kind of like the first day of kindergarten. It should get easier, now, though. The first time is always the hardest.

Patricia Rockwell said...

I know just how you feel. If your almost adult child has health issues, letting go is much harder. My daughter is 25 and that is our situation. The transition was extremely difficult for both her and for me--but we did make it through. She is now living independently and dealing with her own medical care and seeing her doctor regularly.

Natalie said...

I can't even begin to imagine the day my kids will be old enough to go to the doctor by themselves. I'm having enough stress at the thought of my oldest going to Kindergarten in the Fall and me having to be home, without her, it will be WEIRD!

Karen said...

Just wait til your kids get married. There are tons of things I want to ask about but know I better not. LOL

FishHawk said...

You sound like a typically GREAT parent, who is a royal pain to the child when they are younger and much more appreciated after they grow up enough. Sadly, my father died before I grew up enough to realize just how much he really did love me, and I feel like I failed miserably at showing my mom just how much I appreciated her efforts.

Clairity said...

I'm right there with you. So glad I'm not alone. My eldest is 18 and I'm still doing the same stuff you do - taking him to the doc, driving him to college (he hasn't got his license yet) and soon he'll be leaving to finish college halfway across the world from us :( Am bracing myself for that.