Friday, August 29, 2008

Warning: Rant Ahead...

Maybe it was the lack of sleep. Maybe I'm being too strict on my diet because I gained 2 pounds and it's making me crabby. Or maybe I happen to live with some of the most INCONSIDERATE PEOPLE ON THE PLANET!!

My vote is with option number 3.

I woke up at 3 a.m. My internal body clock seems to 'sense' when Frank is going to come to bed before he even enters the room. That same body clock tells me that I have to pee at that time, too. Weird. But anyway, I woke up, I used the bathroom, sneezed once, and my head felt like it had been inflated with a bicycle tire pump. I was up until around 5:30 where I finally drifted off only to awaken to the sound of the alarm clock at 6:15. The 8-year old did not want to get up and began to whine, the 44-year old huffed because we were interrupting his short sleep. I was plotting in my head how I was going to get a nap later on in the day.

I get the two of them up and out of the house, attempt several times to get the 16 year old out of bed and decide to skip my morning workout (and shame on me!) because I could not even hold my head up and decided to have a nice relaxing morning. I read a little, took a nice long shower, and then called my dad. THAT was a funny conversation. At one point he's like "Hey, have you spoken to mommy? I haven't heard from her." He is met with dead air on my end. He then begins to babble "I mean, you know, not that I usually HEAR from her but you know, I TALK to her, but I don't like, you know TALK to her. You know like when I call over there and she answers the phone, you know we talk..."

"Are you trying to send me to therapy?" I interrupt. "Because if you are, I'm sending you the bill."

I'm sorry, many of you have expressed how sweet this is that after all these years apart that they can be friends and get along and like one another and all I can say to you is BLECH!! Seriously, a little bit of throw-up comes up every time I even THINK of it. These two people ruined every special occassion of my life after the age of 10 and so I don't get excited about their new-found friendship. I feel like going somewhere with them and causing one of their now-famous scenes.

Yes, I'm rubber and they're glue...

So I get off the phone with him and go and check on the 16 year old who is finally moving about the cabin. He is doing his school work and seems to be on board with all that we have to do today. Our first big thing (once he showers) is to go and get his portrait taken at Wal-Mart. Not smart, I know, but they're cheap and I'm tired of getting complaints from the grandparents that they have no portraits of the boy. He showers, he shaves, we go. We wait about 15 minutes and then the lovely photographer talks to us in. a. very. slow. voice. she. fills. out. the. registration. form. for. me. At this point I'm ready to hit her with the clip board because I've got a writing celebration at Michael's school that I have to go to and for every single-syllable she drags out, times a wastin'! We finally get pictures taken, decide on the ones that we want, talk her down from the insanely expensive package (because the $4.99 one suited me just fine) and then had to watch as all of her check-out/register equipment seemed to be brand-new to her. By the time we left, there was no time to grab lunch because we had to get over to the elementary school for the writing celebration.

Once there, Nick is told he has to put his PSP in the car and so I hand him the keys and he goes outside to talk to his girlfriend on the phone!! HELLO??? I'M WAITING FOR YOU! So now I have to look like a crazy person yelling across the parking lot for him to come on! We're both starving by now and the thought of listening to a bunch of third-graders read their essays is beyone unappealing. Nick volunteers to walk to the Chinese place up the road, grab lunch and bring it back to the school to eat. What planet is he from??? Who goes to a class party/recital/celebration...whatever it is and brings their own Chinese take-out with them? Um...NO ONE! It takes several attempts at explanations to make him understand this. We get through the party with time to spare, grab Michael and leave. We call in our lunch order and then head to the bank to open up a checking account for Nick since he got his first pay-check.

And let's just stop there, for a moment. We advanced the boy $45 last week against this first paycheck and you know what? The check was only for one day of work and was guessed it...around $45 and does he make good on his debt to us? NO! Do you know why? Because he wants to take his girlfriend to the Cheesecake Factory for dinner!!! Don't worry, pal, the bank of Mom (thank you, Carol) will be leaning extremely heavily on you next week on pay day and before the ink is dry on your signature to cash that bad-boy, I will be on you like white-on-rice to get my money back.

The opening of a student checking account is on par with applying for a mortgage and 45 minutes of super-cute, super-perky Sarah's help, we were finally on our way out. "Hey, mom?" Michael asks. "Do you think that they have any of the 2008 golden dollars at this bank?" Before I can come up with a quick reason as to why I don't even want to find out (although the noises coming from the cavernous regions of my stomach could have) Miss super-perk chimes in "Why yes, they have at least three of them up at the desk!" I wanted to cry.

Then I wanted to slap her. I hand Nick some money and tell him to walk across the parking lot and get the food while I get the golden dollars. We meet up a few minutes later and drive home to eat lunch - at 2:45!! Good thing we pulled Michael out of school early otherwise we would have missed the daggone bus at home!!!

Now the 16-year old is in a snit because he needs to get to his girlfriend's house and even though I was told yesterday that he had all of his transportation needs taken care of, apparently things changed and I am the one expected to pick up the slack. He still had school work and chores to do. He got home and did it all, even did a re-write on an assignment and while I am pacing to leave because I still have stuff of my own to do that has to be done before 5:00, he is slowly going through a stack of about 300 un-boxed DVD's looking for one in particular. Seriously, I should get a METAL for not hurting him at this point. I yell at him to get in the car and he has the nerve to be in a snit because he couldn't find the DVD and this is clearly the fault of the 8 year old.

I yell, I scream, I tell them both that I have had enough. I break every speed limit on the way to Beckah's and then head over to the bookstore to do the deposit. All I can say is THANK GOD I work with such a wonderful person because Danette has the ability to talk me down from the ledge. By the time I left there at 4:40, I felt a little more stable. I hit the bank (just in time), picked up my new contacts at the eye doctor at 5:01 (just in time), and then headed in to Target to pick up an extra slab of ribs because the one that I had at home didn't seem like it would be enough.

When I walked in the door at 5:30, I felt like I had run a marathon. I do not EVER want to have a day off like this again. I don't like anyone right now and if I hadn't gained those two STUPID pounds, I would be indulging in something right now that would make me feel better. But no, I have to behave. I have to be super-perky-super-happy, super-mom-thinking-for-everyone-who-doesn't-have-a-brain-of-their-own-killing-me-with-every-breath-that-they-take, Stacey.

I want a cupcake.

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