Thursday, May 8, 2008

Is She Really Going Out With Him?

So I just got off the phone with my mom and my sister. Being that they live together it's like killing two birds with one long-distance stone. Mom is getting her life on track since leaving her abusive husband and it's good to see her making such strides. She has her own business and spends a lot of time taking care of grandma. She seems to be very happy.

My sister is going through a divorce too. It's been interesting to sit back and observe the whole process and I have to admit, it's comical at times. My soon to be ex-stepfather is vindictive. Mom's left him several times (but always went back) and this time she's standing firm and it is making him crazy. He tells twisted stories to anyone who will listen about how HE is the victim here. Then there's my soon to be ex-brother-in-law. He's just sad. Clueless, sad. He thinks that he can be vindictive but it always backfires on him. He tries to be the James Bond type but ends up coming off like Barney Fife. Sad, really.

Now during all this divorce-procedings hoopla, my sister found a boyfriend. Not just any boyfriend, mind you, but my husband's best friend. Ex-best friend now, thank you very much. I was against this from the get-go. I let everyone know - including the couple themselves - that I was against it. I was accused of being jealous, I was accused of clearly having feelings for this man and I was accused of just being a witch. Here's the thing...growing up, my sister and I were not close. We fought over everything. Whenever I had a friend over, she made sure that the friend hung out with her and then they'd both sit there and ignore or make fun of me. So even as an adult, this memory comes vividly to life whenever I let my friends and family mix. I try not to let it happen often - if ever.

So now they're dating and at first I was concerned for him because my sister is not the faithful type. Frank and I both agreed that we did not want our friend hurt. We shared this with him and what does he do? He goes back and shares our conversation with my sister! Creep. This went on for a while without our knowing it, but having mom on the inside, she hears things, and she shares them with me. So we learn to keep our mouths shut and not speak to this sneaky SOB and we learn - again through mom - that he is a moocher. You know, doesn't pay for a darn thing. My sister has money and she works hard for it with her catering business. Now I'm concerned for my sister because I don't like to think of this man taking advantage of her. He has nothing. He's a med-school student who is separated from his wife and living with his mom. Loser is the word that comes to mind...But anyway, this relationship caused problems between me and Frank because he couldn't understand why it bothered me so, and then it caused problems between us and HIM because we realized that he's a two-faced liar, and finally it caused problems between me and my sister because I could not stand to even hear about this ridiculous relationship!

Long story short, we finally hashed things out about a month ago. And I mean HASHED. I spared no one's feelings and really let it all out about how I felt about her, her faithfulness to people, her treatment of me our whole lives and the fact that this man is a liar. Ninety minutes later it was as if a rock had been lifted from my shoulders and I felt almost giddy.

Those of you who know me may ask, "Why bring this all up again? It's old news." Yes it is but lately, I let her talk about their "love" and how wonderful it all is and I know that by this time next year, they will be living together and planning a wedding. The thought of it still gives me the willies. I told her that I won't trip her or yell out anything inappropriate on their wedding day but the truth of the matter is, it's not something that I have any intention of going to. I didn't go to her second wedding, why bother with the third? How many weddings are really necessary? I have no intention of buying a bridesmaid dress and I think that after a while, it's kind of nervy to keep asking people to come to your weddings. How many gravy boats do you need??? While we were talking tonight she was waxing poetic about the relationship and I even stopped making gagging noises (I'm growing) when she speaks. Is it possible to be happy for someone without being involved? I mean, if she is happy with this mooching liar, more power to her. Do I need to hang out with them? Not so much. I mourn the loss of a friendship that we had with this man for 18 years. It really has given my husband yet another reason to dislike my family. We don't talk about it much anymore, but it's still there. I guess when we have to see them - if and when we go up to NY again - it will sort of be like that creepy uncle that you always try to stay away from. You know he's going to be there and you make sure that you are well-surrounded all the time, do the polite thing and move on. Kind of a sad way of viewing a family visit, but you still need to be prepared.

Anyone have a brother-in-law or sister-in-law that you wish you weren't related to?

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