Social Graces - Friend or Foe?

Today I was having a lengthy (in a good way) conversation with a friend. We speak several times a week and never seem to run out of things to say. Today the topic of guests in the home and hospitality came up. Her stepdaughter and the grandchildren were on their way here from out of state and they were driving through the night and her stepdaughter does not do well with coming in to their home after a long drive and have people she does not know there.

While we were talking, another friend called (beeped in) and informed my friend that she was stopping by. At that time, she very nicely but sternly informed her that it was not a good time and told her about the stepdaughter's imminent arrival. Well, the friend did not seem to listen and was coming over anyway - but she said that she was coming over "right now" and would be out of her hair quickly.

I'm sorry, but what part of "now is not a good time" is hard to understand? This person had something that she wanted to drop off at my friends house BUT they were going to see each other later on in the day and it just would have been the polite thing to do to WAIT. Now,we talked for another twenty minutes after their (beeped in) phone conversation and they only live five minutes away and they never appeared. So what defines coming over "right now"?

Is my friend inhospitable? No. Far from it. I am an extremely hospitable person. I LOVE having people over. When it is convenient!! I've had people show up at my door and while I always let them in, I find it rude that they don't bother to call first. What's worse is that they stay for extended periods of time without bothering to ask if I am busy or if they were interrupting something! Yes, I am partially to blame because I should speak up more but again, I am hospitable and it is just natural for me to invite people in.

How long do you stay? Were you invited? Can you clearly see that someone is busy ? I mean, we all have to be aware of what's going on around us. Every home is different. My sister's home should have a revolving door on it - people come and go all the time. I, personally, am not comfortable with that. So when I stay with her, I have to deal with that because it is her home. If I made a stink about it, would she change it? Probably not and I think it would be kind of nervy of me to expect that. But some people are more considerate of their guests feelings (like my friend was of her stepdaughter's) and her decision should have been respected. We were conversing with the understanding that we needed to be done by a certain time.

I don't know. Some people are just clueless. I love having people over but not for the ENTIRE day when I wasn't expecting it and not ...again, I don't know... I would NEVER just show up at someone's home just because their car was in the driveway. You have no idea what is going on inside or what kind of day they've had! In a cell phone society, CALL FIRST! And for the love of it, show some consideration of someone does say that now is NOT a good time.

This all reminds me of a line from the TV show "The Odd Couple" where Felix says "Never overstay your welcome or you will never be welcome to stay".

Wise words, Felix. Wise words...