Tuesday, May 3, 2011

What does a successful marriage look like?

I know I have discussed this topic several times over the last three years but every once in a while the topic comes up and it just BURNS me so I need to come here and vent...

What constitutes a good marriage?  Is it money?  Good careers?  Is it the kind of gifts that you give/get one another?  Is it the car you drive?  The house you live in?  Does it involve the kind of relationship you both have with your in-laws?  How successful/smart your children are?  Is it based on your credit rating?  Your looks?  

Sadly, these things are what most people look at when gossiping about whether or not a couple has a good marriage.  Did you notice what was missing from this list?  


Remember that?

I did not marry a career.  I did not marry a car.  I did not marry a house, a ring or an education.  I married a MAN.  A man who LOVES me and who I LOVE.  You would be amazed at how many people look at me like I have two heads when I talk about our 22 years together because once they look beyond me and see my slightly older vehicle and my small, two bedroom house and the fact that my husband has a job that involves physical labor and isn't steady well...clearly I've married wrongly.  I mean, how could I possibly be considered to be in a successful marriage when I don't have all of the "stuff" that the general population equates with being happy and successful?

Guess what, people?  Shit breaks, looks the end of the day can you sit with your spouse and have a conversation that involves actually CARING about what they have to say?  How they're feeling?  Sadly, many people cannot.

Just this past weekend this subject came up - it doesn't matter with who - and I was disgusted because our names came up along with another couple and a sort of "comparison" as to who has the better marriage.  So here's me and Frank.  Together for 22 years FAITHFULLY, married for 20, we have two amazing kids who are happy and well behaved (most of the time) and love the Lord.  The other couple are not married but should they ever, this will be a third and a fourth marriage for them.  Their kids (from previous marriages) are all a mess.  Neither person in this particular relationship is even divorced from their previous spouse and yet they live together.  That part I really don't care about too much because Frank and I lived together before we were married, as well.  BUT...because they live in a nice home, drive new cars and make a lot of money, THEY are the ones with the better "marriage".  Yes, people consider them to be married.


I am sick and tired of being looked at like we are some sort of freaks because we do not aspire to put ourselves in debt so that we can look better to others or impress the Joneses.  I don't care what they think.  I know plenty of people who have all that there is to have and they are still miserable people.  I don't have a whole lot of anything and while yes, I have my days where everything sucks, the only thing that stays a constant is my love for my husband.  

Yes, I know that I have complained about him being home a lot in the last year but that is normal.  He is an amazing human being who loves me unconditionally, he doesn't cheat, he's not abusive, he's not doing drugs and he's not some freak trying to get me to do things against my will.  Believe me when I say that there are a LOT of people that I know that cannot say the same thing.

And what's funny about the people in this circumstance that are making the observation and spreading their stupidity?  DIVORCED MULTIPLE TIMES.  You wouldn't know a good marriage if it hit you in the head so do the world a favor and shut it!  

Now, I'm going to go and snuggle with my husband and thank God for the marriage that He has blessed me with.


Roo said...

GO STACE! Congratulations to you and Frank for having a good and strong marriage!!!!

Tammy said...

You are so right! I'm happy to be married to my hubby for almost 23 years and we have been together 27. We still love each other and that sure helps with a lot of the problems.

Now on to important stuff....Amazing Race! I'm so happy that the Goth couple is GONE. I couldn't believe it when he blamed her for not reading that they had to go on foot. I think only one more show left. Who is going to win???

Go Green! said...


Sam said...

Wow, 22 years of being together is an accomplishment. Marriage success, I believe has to be measured in our own way of defining success. Being with the person you love and who loves you in return is a priceless treasure in this world:). Have a nice day to you and your family.

UncleMike said...

My wife and I just passed thirty years. We were disowned by everyone when we got together. Said we'd never survive. Been thirty years, and those from the early days are either single, or divorced, or living together with a fourth or fifth boyfriend. Don't care. Easy? No. Worth it, absolutely.