Thursday, August 19, 2010

Eating in the closet...the new normal

So I have been stressing lately.  Clearly.  I had to quit Weight Watchers and have not been keeping to the plan at all even on my own.  The first night that we had to spend at the hotel I was like "Sweet!  Vending machines!" and ate some Famous Amos cookies.  The breakfast buffet was a carb-fest with bacon.  Seriously.

On Tuesday, Frank asked me to go to Home Depot for him.  So I'm like, sure, okay, no problem. what do we need?  He then proceeds to draw me a picture of some sort of metal thing that he needs that will protect the wiring in the wall so that no one can drill in to it.  I'm like "What's it called?"  he says "I don't know".

I wanted to cry.

So I asked him to just GIVE me the picture and he says "I can't give you that!  They'll laugh at you if you show them that!"  Okay, so to re-cap...I have to get a metal THING that protects things in the wall, we don't know the name or in what department it would be in and your sending ME a non-building-renovation-illiterate WOMAN to the Home Depot to scope it out.  Super.  I get to the HD and start my search.  I find and employee, I describe what I am looking for and he directs me.  Sort of.  I walk, I metal plates.  Kay, fine, look for second employee.  She directs me and I go and Voila!  metal plates.  None of which even remotely resemble Frank's diagram. 

Now I am ABOUT to cry.  

Employee number three comes up as I am dialing Frank's number and between the three of us, we FIND the metal plate.  Score!  So what does all of this have to do with eating in the closet?  Well, I left Home Depot feeling all kinds of emotional and just FED UP with all of this renovation nonsense and drove right over to Dairy Queen and got myself a Blizzard.  I didn't get anything for any other member of my family.  I got my Blizzard and I ATE IT in the car!  How pitiful is that?  Oh, and not only did I eat it in the car WHILE driving, I discarded the evidence so that no one would KNOW that I ate it!  I'm sick!

Yesterday, I went to Walmart to get - surprise, surprise - some things for the bathroom, and did a really super-small food shopping.  While going down the snack aisle for Michael's snacks, I snagged a bag of Milano cookies.  I got home, I HID THEM in the cabinet that no one uses and felt pretty damn good about it.  Nick was out, Michael was at school, Frank was burrowed in the bathroom mudding the drywall.  I took out some cookies, poured myself some milk and sat in the corner of my dining room (where the computer is) and was just about to take the first bite of cookie when Frank walks in and is like "Oh, so you got yourself cookies?  Did you get any for me?"  

SON OF A B....!

Really, like I'm cowering in the corner, trying to soothe myself with some food and it's like he sniffed them out!  I told him (okay, so I blatantly lied) that they were for "us" and he's like "I don't like those...I like the other Pepperidge Farm know, the crispy ones".  Seriously, I should have smacked him.  So we establish that these cookies are mine, I'm a bad wife, blah, blah, blah...

Today I take out some cookies to eat.  Again, Frank is in the bathroom, Michael is intently building with some Lego's and I just sit down and all of a sudden, Michael's like "Hey, where'd you get the Milano's?"

Okay SERIOUSLY family...give me a break!  Let me eat a snack in peace otherwise I'm putting a lock on the closet door and hiding out in there and will no longer cook ANYTHING for anyone!!  Can't a stressed out mom binge in peace?


Da Dude said...

Snacking in the closet is OK. I've might have done it once or twice myself. No snacking in the bathroom. Even if its not done yet!

Leigh said...

Don't feel bad, I keep a bag of peppermint patties in the master bathroom - the only place the children rarely follow me.

But in my defense, my bathroom actually has a sitting area in it.

Russ said...

I think we all do the hiding of goodies. I am a ice cream freak. I hide my ice cream bars in the freezer. Have to move them around alot.

Renee said...

Stace LOL!! We have four kids and I have found that I am turning into Lynn's Mom and Dad...let me explain...when my kids were little and we would visit Grandma of course the would always want a cookie or some snack at Grandma's right? Well, instead of going to the kitchen cabinets or pantry...I would watch her go back to her bedroom and stretch her arm to the top of her closet!! Suddenly like out of nowhere she would hand the kids an oatmeal cream filled cookie..she was the Little Debbie queen...well I when we would leave to go home I would spend the whole way talking about how weird his Mom was to hide her no one could get to them...well, she had 5 kids! Now I understand...we now have a little hide away in our CLOSET!! She is probably laughing in heaven at us. Oh, and by the way ours has a key!!!

Unknown said...

I know I shouldn't laugh but---gosh darn that's funny!

It has all the elements to be a great episode of a sitcom.

Have a better weekend--hide some-more's:>)


Nani said...

girl....thats why i pull them out after their in bed or get something w/nuts in it because they wont like it..