Seriously, I should get an award for this...

On New Year's Day, my teenager came home in a snit. He had issues with his place of employment - they would not give him his check, he claimed. After some discussion we came to the conclusion that the place had switched over to direct deposit (as they had informed us of their doing) and that he would have to wait until the next day to access his account being that he does not have an ATM card. I figured "case closed".

When am I going to learn? Nothing with this child is ever cut and dried.

The next morning, Frank and I were sleeping in - enjoying being lazy - when at 11:00 (shameless, right?) the boy comes knocking at our bedroom door cheerfully demanding that we wake up because (and I quote) I have to "Take him to the bank to get his money!" Okay, I was so NOT wanting to get up but I did and began to get myself ready. You know who was NOT ready? The teenager. SHOCKING! So I jump in the shower and get ready and remind him that the next time he wakes someone up to take him someplace, please make sure that he, himself, is actually ready to go. Sometimes the wisdom just rolls right off my tongue!

We drive to the bank and get up to the counter, explain that his job is now on direct deposit/no bank card/need money, blah, blah, blah and the teller informs us that there are no pending transactions on his account. He has a whopping $8 in there with no hopes of a paycheck anywhere in the system. So I look at him like "Now what, genius?" and he tells me that he was informed that it would not be available until AFTER 2:00. I know what you're thinking parents - WHY would someone demand to go to the bank at 11 am when he was told that his money would NOT be available until AFTER 2:00. The answer? NO ONE KNOWS!!! He had a birthday check to cash that is just sitting in his pocket while the ten people in line behind us are just waiting their turn. When I remind him of this fact, that was an opening to argue with me. So in a low-teeth-clenched voice I tell him to sign the check so we can cash it an go. He finally does it, we get the money (from my account, thank you) and go to leave. "Excuse me?" someone called from the line. "Is this yours?" Of course it is! What is "it"? It's all of his banking paperwork - check book, savings book, account information - you name it, it's there on the counter!!

Deep breaths. Deep, cleansing breaths.

Once back in the car I ask the child to tell me - word for word - what they told him at work on the previous day about his check.
"Well, I went to get it, they gave it to me, I signed it and then..."
"Wait a minute," I interrupt, "They actually GAVE you a check?"
"Yeah..."
"If there is a check there, son, then it's NOT direct deposit!!" Now we have to drive to his job and straighten this out. I am SO not impressed right now. I mean, I didn't have anything planned, but driving around town in search of what might or might not be his paycheck was not on my to-do list either! Once at the store we go up to the customer service desk and the woman behind there says hello and asks "Why didn't you come back after 2:00 like I told you yesterday?" At this point, I'm ready to blow. "So there's a check here?" I asked.
"Oh, yeah. We just can't give them out until after 2:00 on payday. I told him that right in front of his girlfriend, too."

Son of a...

"What about direct deposit?" I asked. She told me that he needed to fill out the paperwork (which I ended up doing) and he'd be all set for when that went in to effect later on in the month. Fabulous. Twenty minutes later we can finally leave the store WITH the paycheck in hand. I made him record his own voice on my cell phone where he apologizes for his stupidity because CLEARLY we are needing this more and more often.

Incident number two hit at 1 a.m. Actually a bit earlier in the evening, he asked if he could have his girlfriend pick him up at around 9 in the morning. I was like, no, too early. "But I have to," he whined. Can I just stop right there and say how much I HATE the teenage whine? Nails on a chalk board are less painful than listening to a near-grown human being whine when he doesn't get his way. After me explaining WHY I didn't think he needed to go out that early, he seriously wore me down - it's a gift he has. A weasely, annoying gift that should STOP making an appearance every day of my life. But I digress...He's leaving early to meet someone to pick up an Ipod that he is purchasing. Fine. Go. Leave me alone and stop, for the love of it, the whining.

Fast forward to 1 a.m. where I am sound asleep until the yelling and raised voices of the teen and his dad are heard. Why? Because my husband has had enough of the weasely, whining and manipulating that is being done around here. Did it need to be discussed at that hour? Apparently. Did the voices need to be that loud? I guess so, but I was once again, NOT amused. Now I'm awake and I'm mad. Like I wasn't mad enough after the day we had, now I have to be woken up - yet again - because of the self-centeredness that is my child. Is he reading this right now? Probably. Should he be learning something from this? One can only hope. After much heated discussion, Frank tried to tell me how I needed to go back to sleep, blah, blah, blah and somewhere during that time the boy wrote some sort of runaway note and left. No one heard him leave. Frank closed the bedroom door, never saw the note, and just assumed that Nick had gone to bed as well.

Thirty minutes later there's a knock at the front door. Frank braced himself for whatever freak was on the other side that was going to TRY and get in and do harm to his family. Imagine his shock to find Nick on the other side of the door! Imagine how disappointed Nick was that no one noticed that he was gone! Imagine my relief that I didn't know about this until this morning!

What is life like without this kind of drama? What do normal families do with all of the peace and quiet of having children who aren't so high maintenance? When is this drama going to end? When am I going to sell this manuscript called life to the CW network and get paid for having to live like this?