Parental Confusion...Again

In case you were wondering, Nick got home from the mountains last week (Wednesday night to be exact) and life has returned to normal. Unfortunately. He was not home more than 15 minutes when the yelling, the screaming and the crying started. Dinner was strained. I realize that in any group, the dynamic changes when you add/take away someone. I was not quite prepared for the reality of it.

Before the boy left and we were discussing the trip, his responsibilities and all that, he pretty much told us that it is his greatest desire to just be left alone. He really does not want to BE a part of this family. When he is home, he prefers staying in his room away from us. When he cannot have his room to himself (because he shares it with Michael), he goes outside and talks on his phone while wandering around the yard and field or sits in the shed. There is nothing more painful to me, as a mother, than to have your child tell you that for all intents and purposes, he would rather roam a field at night than have to be with you. I hate it. I honestly and truly hated that he felt that way. I mean, he lives here, he does interact with us, he does his chores. We laugh, we joke but the bottom line is that HERE is the last place on Earth that he wants to be. Okay, okay, I DO remember being 17 and I know that he is acting as most teenagers do. He just doesn't need to be quite so vocal about it, you know?

I've learned to accept that he doesn't want to be with us and that he pretty much makes plans to fill up most of his free time. I've stopped holding dinner for him because he'd rather eat at his girlfriend's house. I've stopped waiting to do things (like going out for a family meal) because he so obviously doesn't want to be where we are. I thought I was doing the right thing.

But tonight, it turns out, I found out that I am not. The boy left the house today at 12:30. He did not eat lunch with us. He had no idea what time he'd be home. I made pasta for dinner tonight basically because I was not in the mood to really cook. So I made shells with ricotta with sauce and a spinach salad. And yes, it was yummy. I made enough for the three of us that were home. I hate having left overs in the fridge because they tend to start growing things. So when Nick got home and heard what we have he's like "What the HECK???" Completely confused, I'm like "What?" The rant went like "Why do you make my favorite things as soon as I'm out the door?" "Why do you go out to the Outback whenever I'm not here?" On and on it went. I'm sorry, but I had no idea that we (as in the rest of the family) were no longer allowed to eat the foods that Nick liked or go to places that Nick likes to go to. I mean, had I only KNOWN this rule...well, I would have ignored it like I am now because there is no way that he is going to dictate to us what we can and cannot eat, when we can eat it or even WHERE we can eat it.

I love my child. I truly do but it is just MIND BOGGLING to me the level of audacity that comes with being a teenager. My dad used to tell me that we get back in our children what we did to our parents. I say that we must be getting back something that Frank did because I was so good. LOL! I can only cling to the hope that dad's fact is true and that someday, twenty years from now, Nick will be smacking his head against a wall wondering at the nerve of his own teenager!

My fingers are crossed...