Someone's Lurking....

I've been eight weeks without the treadmill. I'll admit that I LOVE having that space back in my bedroom - particularly now when Christmas is coming and my house will be crowded by Christmas decorations - but I didn't realize just how MUCH I missed the treadmill until I got up the courage to get on the scale this morning, just out of curiosity.

I've gained EIGHT pounds!!!

???

Okay, so I haven't exactly been diligent in my eating since getting back from Disney and I took myself off of my thyroid medicine because I was out of refills and I could not afford to go to the doctor for more blood work so that they could tell me that my prescription is going to stay EXACTLY the same as it's been for the last five years. These things, combined with no treadmill, mean that the fat-girl within is lurking just around the corner!! I am so not pleased. I quit the detox because it was just hurting my stomach more than anything else. There was no burst of energy that people claimed to find, my skin didn't look any better and I was sleeping kind of weird with bizarre dreams. Well, that last part could be due to anything but in my current frame of mind, I'm blaming the detox.

I'm depressed. Really depressed. I told my husband what was going on and after his third "I don't want this to ruin your day" comment, I effectively (but nicely) told him that I was in no mood to make HIM feel better by lying to him. My day is ruined. I am disappointed in myself. I am disappointed in our circumstances that I can't have the things that I apparently need to be healthy and his incessant need for me to tell him that all is okay was just getting on my nerves!

Don't get me wrong, I take responsibility for this failure. I didn't start another workout routine as I had planned - I do it sporadically. I haven't continued with eating as I had on the Disney diet - I've had cake, ice cream and whatnot when I was exposed to it. I even started drinking coca-cola again occasionally (although I've been off of it for over a week now). I found ways to buy scrapbook supplies and go out with friends but couldn't find a low-cost doctor to do my blood work. I don't even know if such a thing exists!! But I kind of blame Rob - who took his treadmill back when he won't use it! Stupid bachelor, with all kinds of free time on his hands - he's been out of work for a year and a half - and he still won't find time to use the treadmill!! Granted, it is his, his time is his own, and he was gracious enough to lend it to me for almost five months when the original deal was for only two months, but oh, how I wish I had one of my own.

So if you see me around town eating things that I should not, feel free to smack it right out of my hands and remind me that although there is no date set yet, my dad could be here at any time after the new year. That threat alone should be enough to make me lose my appetite!