A Time of Reflection

As many of you know, my grandmother passed away last month. We all knew it was coming and yet her death was still devestating. A little over a week ago I was on the phone with my sister and the subject of grandma came up and she told me of how she had been dusting her living room that morning and when she came to a picture of grandma it hit her - she's not going to see that face again.

She is not an emotional person - I think I hold the family record on that one - but that one simple statement said so much. For starters, where sis is concerned, it was really the first time I heard her say anything even remotely resembling her feeling the loss of our grandmother. But that one sentence had a very real, very powerful affect on me. I can't put my finger on it, exactly, but I keep hearing that statement in my mind and it saddens me. It's like losing her all over again.

I mean, I KNOW that I can see her face whenever I want - I have pictures from throughout my life. And I believe that we will see each other again in Heaven. Her last words to me were "I'll see you again".

I miss our Sunday phone calls. Even though they normally consisted of the weather, her doctor appointments and nothing of real significance. I just miss them. I have a routine of phone calls that I make on Sunday's and there is a definite hole where our call used to be.

Maybe I am over-emotional. I miss people. I lost my Nana when I was 13. I lost my grandpa when I was 22. I still cry every time I go to the cemetery because I miss them so much. I know it's only been a month. I'm trying to be strong and focus on having happy memories. It's just not easy.

I just miss her.