Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Good parents, bad advice

I am the first to admit that sometimes I may not have the best advice to give my children.  Why?  The reasons are endless.  First off, they are boys and therefor, think like boys.  I am a girl.  We think very differently.  So there have been times that they have come to me for advice and Frank has heard what I had to say and then said "What are you out of your mind???"

Sad but true.

As someone who has lived more than 40 years and experienced the life as a child of divorce and of a teenager and gone on to be the parent of a teenager, I felt, at many times, that I had a right to comment or advise when things were getting floopy.  When bad behavior was being committed (and not only by my child), I spoke up.  What surprised me more than anything is what other parents consider bad behavior and what they do not.

If your child is in an unhealthy relationship - whether it be a romantic relationship with the opposite sex or a friendship - why would you encourage them to stay in it? I get the whole "We're all human" and "We need to extend grace and forgiveness" but when these relationships are causing your child to lose friends and to act out in ways that are a danger to themselves or others around them, why would you encourage them to stay in it???  I don't get it.

If someone treats your child poorly, causes them physical and emotional pain, again, why would you encourage your child to endure that?  If your child's heart is broken, why would you tell them to stay with that person?  I'm no psychologist or anything but I certainly know what it feels like to have my heart broken and I've witnessed many relationships that left someone devastated - it's a natural part of life - but why would you tell your child to continue to endure that pain???

From a Christian standpoint, I get where you might POSSIBLY feel like you are doing the Christian thing and extending grace and forgiveness but to what end?  If the person who is hurting your child does not have your child's best interest at heart, shouldn't YOU the PARENT have that???

I'm baffled;  I truly am.  I've watched my son begin and end relationships.  Friendships come and go.  Again, it's a natural part of life.  For years he just seemed to attract people who were not good for him.  It took some time but he eventually walked away from the toxic ones.  He extended grace and forgiveness, but he CHOSE to not continue the relationship and Frank and I encouraged that.  

Shame on you parents who tell your children to stay in situations that are bad for them, where their hearts will be broken and where you are forcing them to endure heartache needlessly.  Get off of your pulpit because our jobs as parents are to love and guide our children in a way that will make their lives better, not sit back and make them suffer needlessly.

Again, I am baffled.  

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