Friday, November 5, 2010

When you're not friends with the people you're friends with...

Does that make sense?  And no, it's not a Facebook thing.

I was talking with a friend the other day about her upcoming birthday and the party that she wants to have and the topic came up of how many and who to invite.  She's social; she belongs to several groups as well as her church but she doesn't want a big party so where do you draw the line.

This actually created quite a fascinating conversation!  It was one that I could totally relate to, as well.  I mean, I belong to a fairly large church.  I see a ton of people that I talk with, laugh with, study with...on Sunday's.  When I was homeschooling and part of the homeschool community, there were people that I saw at meetings, talked with, laughed with...once a month.  That's not to say that I don't think of these people at other times or that I don't talk to them when I see them outside of these venues but really, these were our main points of common ground.  When I see them in the store, it is a treat and we stop and chat but if I were to throw a party, there are a lot of people that would not be on the list.  Not because I don't like them but mainly because we are acquaintances and not close friends.  

I don't mean that to sound harsh, I really don't.  I have a smaller group of friends that I am close with.  These are the people that pick up the phone and call me and vice-versa.  These are the people that I have more of a connection with.  

So back to my friend's party.  We talked about it and really, I hope that she doesn't feel pressured in to inviting people that she is not close to just because she knows them.  She's good that way, never wanting to hurt anyone's feelings.  I reminded her of a mutual friend who had a party that NEITHER of us were invited to.  I'm not going to lie to you, I was a little miffed by that snub.  My friend was even more so miffed because she has spent a LOT of time with this other person and to be left out of the party was really...well, it wasn't nice.  

It makes you question the friendship.  I have friends who get together for special events (dinners, concerts, vacations, etc.) and I do not get included.  Am I hurt? Not really.  After all, they are entitled to do things without me.  It's not ALL about me all the time!  But there is something about a "party" that makes it a bit sensitive.  Maybe I'm rambling, I don't know.  All I do know is that sometimes you're not really CLOSE friends with the people that you're friends with and sometimes you have friends who THINK they are closer to you than they really are. 

Communication...that's all I'm sayin.


Anonymous said...

I understand what you mean. Aquantances are many, friends are few.

Ruth said...

And then there is the other extreme...I have a friend, my daughter's Godfather, who keeps telling me he wants me to be his girlfriend! I'm like, um, I'm not interested in you that way--told him that multiple times and he just seems stuck on the idea. He's really sweet about it and everything but it ain't gonna happen, know what I mean?