Conspiracy Theory #492...

There are dark forces at work here. All directed at me. Seriously. I wouldn't lie to you. Ever since I stated a couple of weeks ago that I was going to have to get back to some serious dieting to be ready for when my dad comes to visit, it's all gone down hill. Why? Because people like me. Sounds stupid, I know. How can people liking me be bad? Why do I put that under 'dark forces'?

They bring me food.

Lots of food.

Food that I love.

Always on the day that I wake up and declare "Today I will start my diet!" and then BAM! A slab of homemade chocolate pound cake with a chocolate glaze is brought in especially for me. Right, like I'm going to turn that down! Or pumpkin shaped donuts for Halloween (in all fairness, I did share that one with my son). Or the New York hot dogs with the special onions that you can only TRULY get from a street cart vendor in Manhattan. Again, not gonna turn that down. There was the slab of chocolate cake that came in this morning...I mean, it just keeps coming.

Now don't get me wrong, I LOVE these people for their willingness to share with me. They know my love of food and I think it's great that they consider me worthy of sharing but know this - I HAVE NO WILLPOWER!!! None! Nada! Zilch! Zippo! If there is food to be had, hungry or not, if it's something that I enjoy and smells good, I am going to eat it. This is something my sister and I were sharing the other night - we are foodies. If there is food, we will eat it. Years ago when she owned her first deli and I worked for her, we ate like fiends. Breakfast sandwiches were our specialty. It was like "Okay, we've got 2 eggs over-easy, 4 slices of crispy bacon, some cheese, some homefries..." Sure we'd split it but each side was around 4,000 calories!!! But even saying it now, I still feel no shame and would eat that again in a minute!

I'm not right.