And this is why I am not a candidate for any HGTV show...

 Okay, so no slap was necessary because Sybil, I mean, my landlord, came by today as sweet as can be and was most agreeable to anything and everything that my husband wanted to do.  

SOOOO...demolition was on!  First we ripped off all of the trim around the tub surround.  No problem.  Then we ripped off the tub surround.  (Insert dramatic music here).  There was nothing but black, rotting wood as far as the eye can see!  I mean, it was NASTY.  Frank pulled off as much rotted stuff as he could and then covered it in plastic so that we could TRY and not smell the nastiness.

Now, our house was built in 1945 so it is OLD.  The tub is the original cast iron tub so it weighs about 350 pounds.  It required ripping out the wall that was between the bathroom and the boys' closet.  Which required dismantling and emptying OUT the boys closet.  Not a task I ever want to do again.  So next came the task of finding someone to help my husband get this monstrosity out of the bathroom.  Most of his friends were at work or not able to help him because of physical limitations so I picked up the phone and called my dear friend Carol whose son is a lean, mean, muscle-pumping machine.  Hee-hee, he'd get a kick out of that one!  Actually, I told him that we were searching from someone with mind-numbing muscle ability and he liked that title!  But alas, the boy was not available but I was fortunate enough to find his older brother in town.  Gotta love a boy/man (I keep forgetting that he is almost 23!) who is willing to help out some family friends while on vacation!

Anyway, he came over and he and Frank hit the wall (literally) and could not quite get the tub jacked up to where it needed to be before the boy had to leave to meet up with friends.  BUT...being a quality young man, he told us that he would be back here in the morning (with his mind-numbing muscle bound brother) to help Frank remove the tub!

Carol...you have raised an amazing young man and you should be proud!

Since that time, the tub got jacked up way more and is sitting on said-jack in the bathroom.  I can see the dirt below my house and in to my children's closet from the comfort of my toilet!  Oh, and can I just say thank GOD that Frank is doing everything possible to not remove the toilet!!  We did have to re-assemble the boys closet so that they had room to move in their room and the whole house is clean and trash free.  Not too shabby for day one of demo.

But here's the thing...it's day ONE and I am so ready to be DONE!  I mean, I know it is all going to be worth it, it will look beautiful, blah, blah, blah...but in the meantime I get to have a moldy smelling bathroom with a view (and I say that sarcastically).  Tomorrow morning I will drive Michael to school and then go to a friend's house to shower (Bless you, Danette!).  Life is a little complicated to say the least.  This morning I was watching "My Big Amazing Renovation" on HGTV, actually, I watched TWO episodes.  Episode number one had a couple re-building their home and more than doubling their square footage.  It took 3 months during which they lived in a 450 square foot studio apartment and had a baby.  Episode number two had a family of 6 rebuilding their home and they had scheduled it for a 6 month time frame and it actually took a YEAR and $700,000!  What the WHAT??  While their renovation was going on, they lost the lease on their rental house and had to fit 6 people in a single hotel room!  

So yes, THOSE are people that have the right to complain.  I'm in day ONE of a tiny bathroom fix-up and I'm ready to have a mini breakdown.  If the camera crew were on me right now I'd be like "Oh...my...God...I just (sob, sob)...I just thought that things would go quicker (sniffle, sniffle)...I mean, I just hope this thing comes in under budget..."  Then those real women from the HGTV show could just come over and slap ME!!!

And Now For the Painfully Obvious...

Look, I didn't create the world. I did not choose which gender did what better. All I know is that here are the facts: Men are better at mechanical stuff, women are better at the homemaking/cooking stuff. That's not to say that I don't know men who cook (although most of them aren't very handy) or that I don't know women who know how to do an oil change. It's not a perfect formula but for the most part, each gender has their strengths.

Frank is very mechanical. He can fix anything. Me? I fix nothing. If possible, I break things more than they already are. BUT...I am an absolute WHIZ in the kitchen. I have mastered the dinner dilemma's and what I make tastes good. So this morning, Frank had to go to work. It's a Saturday and that's unusual, but we don't refuse work these days. So I'm here cleaning house because I have a friend coming for lunch and my teenager comes out of the bathroom and announces that something is wrong with the toilet. Okay, get a plunger. No, not that kind of problem...apparently when you push down on the handle to flush, nothing happens. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. Okay, I'm stumped and I call Frank. I realize that he is at work but maybe he can DO something over the phone. I told you I'm not handy!

I call, I tell him the problem and he tries to get all MacGuyver on me and tells me how to "rig" this to fix it. I hand the phone to Nick. They "discuss" things and finally Nick comes out of the bathroom mumbling something about idiots and how it can't be done. So I'm feeling a little confident and I'm like, "Okay, tell me what he said and maybe I can do it!"

Um...no.

So I call Frank back and tell him that what he wants done cannot be done because the handle is actually BROKEN. You cannot RIG anything to it because there is nothing there! Here's where it gets funny...so he's like "Okay, take the handle apart and go to..." I didn't even let him finish because I was laughing so hard. I'm like "You want ME to take something apart AND go to a store and get a replacement??? Are you out of your MIND???" He very calmly tried explaining to me that I could do this and I just told him that okay, I'd do it if he came home and cooked a roast for dinner. He's like "I can't cook a roast! Taking that handle apart, well, an idiot can do that!" Well then I guess I am BEYOND being an idiot because I can't. I think that any idiot can cook a roast but you can't do that, can you???

Nick rigged up a chain for us to use until Frank gets home. Now I can pee with confidence and go back to my regularly scheduled program of getting the house cleaned and lunch on the table!