Now I Just Have to Laugh...

As you know, Monday was Nick's birthday. My mom was the first to call and wish him a happy birthday, cards started rolling in with the mail, I made his favorite dish for dinner and baked a cake. Well, late that morning, I was on the phone with a friend when the call-waiting beeped.

Can I just say how much I loathe call waiting and wish I could get rid of it?

But I digress...so the call waiting beeps and it's a number I don't recognize and a name I don't recognize but I'm intrigued. I hang up with my friend and let the answering machine pick up. Yes, I'm a call screener. Anyway, the machine picks up and it's my dad. So being a normal person, I answer the phone. He's mid-sentence and I'm like "Wait a minute, he's playing his game let me get him for you." I was actually chipper because he remembered my son's birthday and I thought that maybe, just maybe he would talk to me.

Sigh...

He talked right OVER me. That's right, while I was talking, he just kept talking as if I never even picked up the phone - like I didn't exist, like I wasn't there. What kind of idiot are we dealing with here? So I have invented a new word (I think) that will be my word of 2010 - Jackassery. Yes, Jackassery. When someone does something so completely and unbelievably STUPID, it will be referred to as Jackassery.

And THAT is what that phone call was!

*Today's Examiner.com article is on North Carolina history. You can read about it HERE. Thanks!*

Guess Who's Invisible Again??

I think I've mentioned this in the past but my dad is going to be 65 this summer. He wants to do something with all of his children (meaning, me, sis and our step brother). The first plan was to have a party down by him. He had a friend who owned some sort of club that we could use. Sis and I would fly down for the weekened, he'd be surprised, end of story. Well, the friend's club closed down. Now we're like what to do, what to do.

Right now sis is down in Florida with dad and I get an e-mail from dad's new wife saying that they were discussing the whole birthday hooplah and what about a weekend cruise?

Okay, let me stop right there. For my friends who see me on a daily basis, feel free to stop reading because you've all heard this song and dance before. First of all, we are not wealthy people. In any way, shape or form. When we are able to take vacations, we plan them up to a YEAR in advance so that we can save up and it is normally a "value" vacation. Everyone in my family knows this about me.

Or so I thought.

Why would anyone think that I would be able to pull off a cruise on 6 weeks notice? A cruise that would have to include flying to cruise ship destination, the cruise itself and whatever goes along with that. For FOUR people!!! I didn't go home for my grandmother's memorial and we had four months leading up to that! Here's the other thorn in my side that is really starting to tick me off. I have children. Two of them. They are not heinous people. The behave themselves and know how to act when in public (and in private, for that matter). I realize that no one else has kids that are as young as mine but they are MY children and when we plan "family" events, the children are FAMILY!! Just FYI, relatives, they are related to you too. So the way I see things going down (because when it was the party scenario, only I was going to go because my sister was paying for me to fly down to Florida), they will plan something that I cannot afford. I will back out and tell them all to have fun without me. All the while wishing that the Acme Company would drop and Anvil on them all. They will say "No, no, we want YOU to come!" Emphasis on the YOU. I will be welcomed and included, someone will help me cover the cost of whatever it is and my husband and children will be excluded. Again.

Don't get me wrong, my husband will in no way be offended by this. The less contact he has with my dad, the better. But it's just not right. I would NEVER hold an event and not invite their spouse. I understand that if someone is paying for me, I should be grateful. I am, believe me. But wouldn't it just be nicer to hold a family event that is truly a family event so that everyone could go?

Honestly, I'd rather not have to deal with this kind of nonsense. It gets old. I don't fit in at all in the world that my father and my sister live in. And believe me, I don't want to. It's just insulting time and time again to have them plan things that they KNOW I can't be a part of.

**Update** I got an e-mail from my dad's wife and she is looking in to a location that is closer to me and actually started talking to dad and sis about it. I thought that was really nice of her. I'll keep you posted.

Some Shrink Would Have a Field Day With Me!

It is so cliche - the whole "issues with my dad" thing. So many people have them. Lately, I am having a field day with mine. Why?

Sigh.

Okay so my sister is planning a weekend trip down to Florida to see my dad. Why? Because he keeps asking her to. Does he EVER ask me to come down and visit? No. I know, I know...I don't really WANT to visit him but it would be nice if he at least PRETENDED to want to see me once in a while. They are going to go to Disney together for the weekend. Talk about a double slap in the face. So while my sister is going on and on and on about this weekend she is planning my mind is a whirling. There are so many issues, it's unbelievable.

First, why, why, WHY does my own father not want to see me? He used to get at me all the time about how he felt that I favored Michael over Nick and CLEARLY he favors Karen over me. Every man my sister has ever been married to or been involved with, dad thinks is great. They've been alcoholics, cheaters and just plain slack-assy but they are swell guys in dad's mind. Husband number two became the executor of my dad's estate. Meanwhile, Frank and I have been married for close to 20 years, he makes me extremely happy and barely EVER gets any kind of kind words spoken about him by any member of my family. I don't get it!! I don't understand why we are such freakin' freaks that just don't rate in any way, shape or form.

I don't play his game, I admit that. I don't "Ooh" and "Ahh" over everything that he does. I'm not impressed with his Soprano-wanna-be lifestyle. I think that for many years he made his second wife dress as a cheap bimbo (I may have said that to his face at one point, but I'm not sure). I live a very simple life. I don't go out "clubbing", I don't drink and I've never done drugs. I'm pretty much as opposite as I can be from him. But I am still his daughter. I still have feelings and I still deserve to shown some common courtesy.

I asked my mom about this last night because I was just so annoyed with the whole thing and she was very wise and very honest. She said he does these things because he cannot really be himself when I am around. My sister does all of the "flash" things with him - they'll go to over-priced restaurants and rave about the food. They'll drink, they'll club. Me and Frank? Well, we're pretty much our happiest sitting around over a good, home-cooked meal and good conversation. I can remember one New Year's Eve when we were still dating that we met up with dad and Collette at a restaurant after midnight. It was so utterly and completely awkward that I never, ever wanted to do it again. They were so drunk it was embarrassing and honestly, the people they were with were creepy.

So yes, I know that I am better off for NOT putting myself (or him for that matter) in situations that are really not comfortable for either of us, but the little girl in me just sometimes would like to know that her father actually gives a damn about her and would like to spend a day with her. That's not so horrible, right?

Always check the caller I.D. first...

It was one of those 'hey, baby' calls that I just should have ignored. Yesterday, my dad called. He had called earlier in the day according to Nick but never left a message. When he called again late yesterday afternoon, I figured he really must have something to say. The family was double-whammied yesterday. Both of my dad's brothers are in the hospital - one in Vegas, one in Florida. Odd how the pill-popping, boozer is now the healthy one!

Anyway, the uncle in Vegas has just discovered that he has lung cancer. He was in Vegas to visit his son and his family and was disoriented when he got off of the plane and could not breathe. At the hospital, the doctors originally thought that he had pneumonia. After several more tests, they found cancer. The uncle in Florida is recovering from several blocks in his arteries - this is fairly common, not just in our family, but I think common in general. People have this done all of the time.

After dumping all of this news on me, dad demands (yes, demands) that I call my uncles. Now, it is not that I am opposed to calling either of them. Certainly not. But first of all, the Vegas uncle, can't speak! He is so uncomfortable that he honestly cannot speak on the phone! Why would you encourage someone to call and cause pain? Why not wait until he is home or at least at his son's and feeling better? The other uncle I have not spoken to in over 10 years. I have a problem with people coming out of the woodwork when someone gets sick. I think it is hypocritical. It's sort of like seeing someone at a funeral who has had no part of the deceased life for years. I understand the aspect of respect, but ...I don't know. Again, it's like bringing flowers to the grave of someone you ignored in life.

I will eventually make these calls. I think. I just think that for a man that doesn't bother with either of his brothers, who passed on this trait to his daughters, has no right to make demands on us to call anyone. It sounds kind of cold, I know. But know this, friends, I will seriously look at my caller ID next time and think for a moment before answering.

The Case of the Forgotten Grandchild

So I'm at work today and at around 10:45 my cell phone rings. Normally the only person who calls me on my cell at this time of day is my loving husband calling to either A.) complain that he has a headache and just needs me to talk to him until it goes away or B.) Just to say he loves me.

Awww....

But to my surprise, it was my dad! I didn't even realize that he KNEW my cell phone number! But that's not the point. I look at his name on the screen and have a slight panic attack because being that he never calls on the cell phone - or during the week for that matter - this cannot be good news. I have a customer at the desk and I ask her to excuse me for a moment while I take the call. "Stace!" he beams. "Did I give you Anthony's legos?" Huh, not bad news at all, just bizarre. "Yes, you did," I tell him. "Nine years ago." "Is he done with them?" he asks. "Why?" I want to know, still thinking that this is a strange question; what 16-year old still plays with Legos? "Kyla wants them. She loves legos and I figured if Nick was done with them, you could send them down. Or did I give them to Justin?" Justin being the first born/Messiah of the grandchildren. So many thoughts were running through my brain. First, isn't four years old a little young for Legos? Secondly, is he that cheap that he just can't go out and BUY the kid some new Legos? How many recycle cycles should a batch of Legos get? Thirdly, I didn't realize that girls even played with Legos. And finally, did he COMPLETELY forget that he has another grandchild - Michael - whom he purchased 14 different Lego sets for for Christmas?? I mean, I realize that Christmas was almost 6 months ago, but he has been buying Michael Legos for years! Again, I realize that maybe because Michael is the third grandchild and NOT a girl, that he may be easy to overlook - if you're senile. I'm offended for my child on so many levels, it's not even funny. So I inform him of this information and remind him of all the Lego kits that he just bought the child and how he loves them so. His response, "Oh."

Absence making the heart grow fonder clearly does not apply in this scenario.