Do You Keep Your Mouth Shut?

Back when I was newly pregnant with Nick, one of my dad's younger cousin's died. She was in her thirties, she had two young, beautiful children. No matter how many times I saw her, she always came up to me and said, "Hi! I'm your cousin Carol!" She was adorable! She died due to an eating disorder.

I'll be honest with you, I was young and didn't see her that much in my life but I never, NEVER knew that she had this problem. Her mother (my Nana's sister) was always a little vain - always had her hair, make-up and clothing perfect - and I guess this side of her came out in Carol's need to be perfect, to be thin. I'll never forget her because she was so vivacious, always smiling and beautiful.

I am struggling right now with some friends who have a child with an eating disorder. It's mild, but a disorder nonetheless. No one wants to talk about it - like it's a big secret. Is she getting help? Some. Is it working? Not completely. Have they been dealing with this long? Yes, years. There is one factor that seems to trigger their child more than anything, and it is a family member. This person makes this child feel fat, unacceptable and constantly critiques her. This ADULT does not live with them but does come to visit and when she does, things get bad.

So tell me, parents, would you ALLOW this person to torment your child? Would you sit back and graciously welcome them in to your home when you know that they are going to disrupt the fine balance that you've achieved and damage your child's already delicate psyche? Well, this child's parents are. They are allowing this person to come around and wreak havoc and personally, I am furious.

I was told to shut up, just accept it and just let it be; it's none of my business. A mutual friend told me this. So I snapped. I said "Well, when this girl is dead YOU can sit back and take comfort in your acceptance but I can't!" You know, maybe if someone took a stand, my cousin would still be alive today, seeing her children grown.

When do you speak up? When do you step in and risk the consequences? Isn't someone's life worth that? How can you say that you love someone and then watch them hurt themselves and be hurt by others? I'm stumped...I'm honestly and truly stumped.

Any suggestions?