The tree is up, all of the presents that I've bought (and that is the key here) are wrapped but there is still quite a bit of shopping to do. Luckily my bosses were gracious and gave us off for Christmas Eve so I get a four day weekend next weekend and I will most likely spend most of it in preparation of Christmas. There is still food shopping to do and desserts to prepare along with the holiday meals. Again, it's exhausting.
Christmas is a little weird this year. Nick will be leaving for school in a matter of weeks. When we went to get our tree last weekend, it hit me that it would be the last time, realistically, that he would be with us to shop for a tree. He won't be home to do that next year and quite possibly the whole four years he'll be at school. And who knows if he'll move back here when he's done! So that depressed me.
We decorated the tree and again it hit me, that it would be the last time he'd decorate with us. For such a great accomplishment on his part, it is certainly messing with my Christmas joy this year!
The shootings in Connecticut were horrific and as a parent, I cannot imagine what their Christmas is going to be like. As much as I go on about how depressed I am that Nick will be a couple of hours away and not be able to be home to pick out and decorate a tree, the reality is that I WILL see him for Christmas. Those families will never see their babies again. There are presents under their trees right now that will never be opened. So my griping is rather petty in light of their loss.
I'm trying to not watch the news because it's too sad. There are so many people that I miss at Christmas and seeing this all unfold just makes me even more of a mess. Last year was the first time in a long time that I was numb with grief. It wasn't that we had lost anyone recently, but for some reason I FELT the loss so heavily that I could barely move. I would cry at the drop of a hat and people were starting to get concerned.
I miss my grandparents.
I miss my stepmother.
I miss my cousin.
As our lives are finally showing signs of getting better after nearly 20 years of near debilitating bad luck and struggles, I wish that all of them were here to celebrate with us. Frank and I both finally have jobs. Nick is going to college. I have a best selling book out. Michael is growing in to this amazing young man...I think that my grandparents - who were from a generation of the most AMAZING grandparents - would just be beaming with pride and joy at all that we've overcome. I miss them. I love them. I would give anything for one more Christmas with them.
So I will start of this week by getting off of my sad sack and do my full week of work with the joy of knowing that I have a job. I will go and order our Christmas roast (which is delicious!). I will finish the shopping and be thankful that we have money for gifts this year. I will await some test/biopsy results and be thankful that I was able to even GO to a doctor. I will set up our little Christmas village that until a day or two ago, I was too sad to take out because it belonged to my stepmom and just taking it out makes me miss her. Instead, I will take it out and light it up and say a prayer of thanks that she shared it with me. I will be thankful for all of the friends who have supported me and loved me and helped me through some rough times and how they have embraced my dream of becoming a writer.
I will thank God every day for my husband and my sons. They are the greatest gift of all.
And, to end this sad little post on a high note, we had another great Amazon day that I am extremely grateful for, too. Drum roll please...
#17 in Women's Fiction#23 in Contemporary Women's Fiction
#40 in Contemporary Fiction
#44 in Contemporary Romance
#73 in Romance
#5 in BOTH Hot New Releases in Women's Fiction and Contemporary Women's Fiction
#7 in Hot New Releases in Contemporary Fiction
#12 in Hot New Releases in Contemporary Romance
#21 in Hot New Releases in Romance and Finally...a new record...
"The Christmas Cottage" was #227 in Kindle Downloads!!!
Still only .99 cents to download on Kindle, Nook and Smashwords and only $6.99 in paperback! Would love to be in the top ten for Christmas!!!
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