Next week I am getting in the car for a 5 1/2 hour drive to go and see my nephew graduate from Marine boot camp. We have been looking forward to this for months. I took the time off of work and even if we hadn't gotten these new jobs/positions, I had been rolling change to help pay for it. Well, now Frank can't go because he can't take off and Nick isn't going because he needs to work and so it's going to be just me and Michael...
and my parents.
Remember my parents? They've been divorced for 33 years...the didn't speak for close to 25 of those years. They refused to be in the same room with each other for most of that time and so they each missed some pretty key events in my life by their stubbornness and fighting. Yes, I will be in the car with them both for that drive.
The last time we were in a car together on a trip was 1976. I still have Vietnam-style flashbacks from that trip. As much as I feel dread and a sense of unease with the whole thing, there is another part of me, the little girl in me, that wants to have this time with my parents. No distractions, undivided attention and I can't explain it...I feel like I NEED this time with them to overcome some of my biggest issues and hangups that they are directly responsible for.
Can it happen in this short trip? Probably not. Can I start to get some closure? Absolutely. All I can do at this point is pray. All I can do right now as I pack and prepare for the trip is not let my emotions get out of control and to remember that I am an adult who has the only successful marriage in the family. I am an adult who has a wonderful relationship with my children. Sure, I may embarrass them from time to time and annoy them but at this point of their lives (and remember that Nick is 20) there is nothing that I have done that has him requiring therapy.
I am the successful one in that car.
I am not a child anymore.
I have the love and support of my friends.
My husband loves me and tells me that I am beautiful each and every day no matter what my weight is. He loves me for ME, unconditionally.
I am blessed.